Family Lost... Endurance

This month I've spent a lot of time with my family. Of course the holidays were the reasons, however the lost of a love one played a specific role. My cousin Chris died this month. Very unexpected tragedy, he was young, smart, intelligent and hopeful. A year ago his mother died from a tragic bicycle accident. So I can only imagine what his year has been like. We've spent time with him and the family throughout the year, and he seemed to be moving on with his life and enjoying all unexpected changes. I do think he was missing something in his life, he wanted more. And it saddens me to know that he died without achieving all of his dreams. It was a wakeup call for me.

Don't live life wondering and daydreaming of how life can be. But to live it working on what you want it to be. Stop living off the happy feeling of what can happen, but to stop over thinking it and just do it. Love hard, trust openly. Sometimes we are born into circumstances that disable opportunities in our future, but if we use the negative beginnings as motivation to change the lives of our own children and ourselves we can live abundantly. He was taken too soon.

This post is dedicated to you Chris Noel.

 

The other woman

It's raining like crazy tonight! Chill weather... Everyone's sleeping, I'm laying in the dark pissed, tears streaming down my face. I'll be better tomorrow... But as I realize he didn't answer his phone tonight, ... She gets points tonight which is being home with him. In his element. Comfort of his home with rain in the background.. and as I call and he don't answer. I'm alone. She's probably having movie night and fucking later. I'm fighting the urge to tell him not to call me again, for I'll regret it in the morning. A woman choose to love hard for the night of feeling like he belongs to her and she's all he want. Ignore the reality he's not. As the other woman that's the hardest risk, for she's playing with her heart...

Worst Week of America

This was one of the worst weeks America has ever endured. so many tragedies exploding one behind the other.  This week I cried,  smiled, laughed, and was afraid.  It seems you can be careful... responsible even, and try to stay aware, but you could never be prepared when hatred happens, or a careless mistakes occurs.  What drives a person to be angry towards people they don't know? Why are we constantly judged as a whole, depending on race or religion. I now understand the importance of controlling my anger,  for it only becomes evil. Have we all seen evil before? If not... we seen it this week.  Do you ever want to be hated as the marathon bombers?

A friend of mine this week told me in a malicious way that women of my race hair don't grow, and with the intention to be mean she made the point of saying her race hair is better.  A year ago I would of cursed her out and I would of wanted to fight and punish her with words severely.  Surprised at myself... I paused for a moment... and remembered the bible verse ♡refrain from anger for it only leads to evil♡Psalms 37. I told her she was out of line and that I hope she has a great day,  and I have distance myself from her. Its not the first time she has made a comment that was meant to be malicious towards me... i realize its evil, something I never want to be labeled as. I never want to find myself on TV running from the police, because of where I let my anger grow too.

Baltimore Ravens Cheerleader DECLINED!

I was reading an article this morning, about a five year veteran Raven Cheerleader who was not invited to cheer at the Raven's Super Bowl Game. As I reading, I wanted to make sure that I didn't prejudge until I actually heard the reason as into why the cheerleader was upset. But when I got further into the story and her reasons of wanting to be heard, I was truly upset. I'm sorry but for some reasons this makes me think of a envious woman somewhere who decided to teach this girl a lesson. Someone who has been on their team for five years, and has even been featured in magazines for being one of the hottest cheerleaders in the NFL, was not ask to come back! Seriously. Why can't women be for one another. I may be jumping the gun on this one, but I see jealousy written all over this story.

This is why people and "women in general" become confused in life when making life decisions: Judgement. You never know how someone is going to feel about our choices, or who may be affected, but when in reality is about making OUR own life happy. Courtney made a life decision to further her career after graduating from college, and was not shown a pat on the back, but a kick in the rear for retiring. I think it's ridiculous and she deserves to cheer as this will be her last year.

<a href="http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/we-want-baltimore-raven-s-cheerleader-courtney-l-to-at.html">Request Baltimore Ravens Cheerleader, Courtney L to be Reinstated & Attend Superbowl with her team! Petition | GoPetition</a>

Live and Love

A new year, another year, another longevity to success, maybe...geez..whatever. The way things are now in life not much matter accept surviving and protecting those around you. I didn't celebrate much coming into the new year, since every year before this one when I did celebrate there seem to have some struggle I fought getting over or living through. So to avoid the consistent not so lucky struggle or anticipation of something great, I went into the new year as if it was another day that God bless me to see. Another day that I was able to have and spend with my family.

I don't think thats wrong. Just a way to cope with another year that may have challenges and trials. I didn't come into it thinking negatively, just to avoid dissapointment that has yet to happen. WHAT IS THAT? This is how many of us think today. Let's avoid it, so that we dont have to be severely dissapointed. If we think like this.. we will never live!. Never see the things that are truly meant for our happiness and success. Falling in Love and getting your heart broken is living, and the great part is learning. You get better with each season. So don't cheat yourself out of living your life. My pastor Joel always says, you don't want to wait until you get to heaven and see your heavenly closet filled with boxes containing your blessings that you never were able to experience while you were living. Live life, make it through the struggle, smile no matter what. Becuase when you give up, you've already place defeat on your life.