Stepping Out On Faith

We hear it all the time from our friends about their plans. Our friends, family members, coworkers, and of course ourselves. We make plans for everything to always ensure when the time is right. Wives plan their pregnancies, while men plan their big financial purchases. Life sometimes pass us by because we're still planning or working out our plan, or waiting on that sign. We're waiting on that promotion to go for that house, we're waiting on less hours at work in order to go back to school. What happens if these things or opportunities don't ever come? Do we keep waiting? Do we direct our minds to keep hope on that sign or financial upper level, or do we pray about it, believe God heard it, and step out on faith? It reminds me of the story in the bible when the man who was lost out at sea, prayed and asked God to save him. However whenever a big boat would pass him by and ask if he needed help he would tell them no because God is on his way. What he did not know is that God sent those boats. Sometimes God is ready to help and willing to give, but if we don't do our part and step out on faith the things we want most will pass us by.

As I step my foot onto the hope of not knowing, my balance is steady. Jesus has secured my stumble, and made it solid. My sight hears far, and my road is safe. And yet its dark, my hand is held. God has me in his veil.
  

Why Does She Copy Everything I Do!

Ladies, have you ever had a friend, colleague, teammate, or schoolmate that copies you. Someone that has seen you with a beautiful polish on your hands and the next day she has the same color too. Or how about that new lipstick color from MAC you're wearing, and the following week, she's showing you she just bought the same color too! You try to look at it as flattery, but then you also feel as though you're losing your originality. This person doesn't hide that she's copying you, but brags to you as if she wants you to know she's mimicking you.

I never realize women can hate who you are but try so hard to be like you.

The art of loving oneself and being freely is overwhelmingly blessed. The ability to find beauty in the way one looks, and achieve it effortlessly is moment less. The love for myself I now see is a blessing, and spiritual gift, as I fight the battle of hating someone who has found me to be their inspiration, I know it is a result of what I'm doing is succeeding...

Duro Olowu Dress!!!

Jamaal Foster

A good man lost his life Tuesday and I knew him, a high school girl who loved him.... My first real crush, 15 years old at a bowling alley dance hall for teenagers on the south side of Houston, Hello! A handsome, soft spoken, skin color of the prettiest brown you can find in your grade school crayola box. Dorm room nights of innocence... Praire View University. Long nights of conversations under skylight fire station sirens, and dim light house parties, music daring through Missouri City streets. My hug from him last year for his birthday is now mine forever, If I only knew it would be the last time I would held a little longer, and whisper to you the blessing it was to have you in my life throughout the years.

Thinking about you Jamaal consistently. You were intriguing, a mystery any woman wanted to experience. Your persona was gratifying as your presence was admiring. Your eyes were comforting yet without speaking it seems you were complimenting. Always smiling when I would see you, never shook my hand for hugs were necessary, respectful in distance with later touches of softness. Always gave a compliment or an assuring nod, that always felt so nice. I wish you were still here, however I feel your smile is so near.

Family Lost... Endurance

This month I've spent a lot of time with my family. Of course the holidays were the reasons, however the lost of a love one played a specific role. My cousin Chris died this month. Very unexpected tragedy, he was young, smart, intelligent and hopeful. A year ago his mother died from a tragic bicycle accident. So I can only imagine what his year has been like. We've spent time with him and the family throughout the year, and he seemed to be moving on with his life and enjoying all unexpected changes. I do think he was missing something in his life, he wanted more. And it saddens me to know that he died without achieving all of his dreams. It was a wakeup call for me.

Don't live life wondering and daydreaming of how life can be. But to live it working on what you want it to be. Stop living off the happy feeling of what can happen, but to stop over thinking it and just do it. Love hard, trust openly. Sometimes we are born into circumstances that disable opportunities in our future, but if we use the negative beginnings as motivation to change the lives of our own children and ourselves we can live abundantly. He was taken too soon.

This post is dedicated to you Chris Noel.

 

The other woman

It's raining like crazy tonight! Chill weather... Everyone's sleeping, I'm laying in the dark pissed, tears streaming down my face. I'll be better tomorrow... But as I realize he didn't answer his phone tonight, ... She gets points tonight which is being home with him. In his element. Comfort of his home with rain in the background.. and as I call and he don't answer. I'm alone. She's probably having movie night and fucking later. I'm fighting the urge to tell him not to call me again, for I'll regret it in the morning. A woman choose to love hard for the night of feeling like he belongs to her and she's all he want. Ignore the reality he's not. As the other woman that's the hardest risk, for she's playing with her heart...

Worst Week of America

This was one of the worst weeks America has ever endured. so many tragedies exploding one behind the other.  This week I cried,  smiled, laughed, and was afraid.  It seems you can be careful... responsible even, and try to stay aware, but you could never be prepared when hatred happens, or a careless mistakes occurs.  What drives a person to be angry towards people they don't know? Why are we constantly judged as a whole, depending on race or religion. I now understand the importance of controlling my anger,  for it only becomes evil. Have we all seen evil before? If not... we seen it this week.  Do you ever want to be hated as the marathon bombers?

A friend of mine this week told me in a malicious way that women of my race hair don't grow, and with the intention to be mean she made the point of saying her race hair is better.  A year ago I would of cursed her out and I would of wanted to fight and punish her with words severely.  Surprised at myself... I paused for a moment... and remembered the bible verse ♡refrain from anger for it only leads to evil♡Psalms 37. I told her she was out of line and that I hope she has a great day,  and I have distance myself from her. Its not the first time she has made a comment that was meant to be malicious towards me... i realize its evil, something I never want to be labeled as. I never want to find myself on TV running from the police, because of where I let my anger grow too.

Baltimore Ravens Cheerleader DECLINED!

I was reading an article this morning, about a five year veteran Raven Cheerleader who was not invited to cheer at the Raven's Super Bowl Game. As I reading, I wanted to make sure that I didn't prejudge until I actually heard the reason as into why the cheerleader was upset. But when I got further into the story and her reasons of wanting to be heard, I was truly upset. I'm sorry but for some reasons this makes me think of a envious woman somewhere who decided to teach this girl a lesson. Someone who has been on their team for five years, and has even been featured in magazines for being one of the hottest cheerleaders in the NFL, was not ask to come back! Seriously. Why can't women be for one another. I may be jumping the gun on this one, but I see jealousy written all over this story.

This is why people and "women in general" become confused in life when making life decisions: Judgement. You never know how someone is going to feel about our choices, or who may be affected, but when in reality is about making OUR own life happy. Courtney made a life decision to further her career after graduating from college, and was not shown a pat on the back, but a kick in the rear for retiring. I think it's ridiculous and she deserves to cheer as this will be her last year.

<a href="http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/we-want-baltimore-raven-s-cheerleader-courtney-l-to-at.html">Request Baltimore Ravens Cheerleader, Courtney L to be Reinstated & Attend Superbowl with her team! Petition | GoPetition</a>

Live and Love

A new year, another year, another longevity to success, maybe...geez..whatever. The way things are now in life not much matter accept surviving and protecting those around you. I didn't celebrate much coming into the new year, since every year before this one when I did celebrate there seem to have some struggle I fought getting over or living through. So to avoid the consistent not so lucky struggle or anticipation of something great, I went into the new year as if it was another day that God bless me to see. Another day that I was able to have and spend with my family.

I don't think thats wrong. Just a way to cope with another year that may have challenges and trials. I didn't come into it thinking negatively, just to avoid dissapointment that has yet to happen. WHAT IS THAT? This is how many of us think today. Let's avoid it, so that we dont have to be severely dissapointed. If we think like this.. we will never live!. Never see the things that are truly meant for our happiness and success. Falling in Love and getting your heart broken is living, and the great part is learning. You get better with each season. So don't cheat yourself out of living your life. My pastor Joel always says, you don't want to wait until you get to heaven and see your heavenly closet filled with boxes containing your blessings that you never were able to experience while you were living. Live life, make it through the struggle, smile no matter what. Becuase when you give up, you've already place defeat on your life.

BE POSITIVE AMERICA

As difficult as it may be for some, and yet victorious for others, Barack Obama is indeed our president once again. I don't judge those who may feel as though its not right, or disagree with it. I just ask those to be positive about it for it was all in the plans of our God. Regardless to some if they are still rooting for him to fail so that your conscious is good..It's not what is best for our country. So if you are one of those who hate or dislike that Barack Obama is our President, pray for him and his family. Pray that he does do well in his next term, and that he helps our country become as it was before. Any person wishing that he doesn't is wishing harm on themselves and their love ones. Be Positive America! Insure yourself that its not hate that drive you toward your decision, or a personal decision, or lack of the race card. Ask God to lead our President and building our country to greatness regardless who the person is or what they look like!

VOTE VOTE VOTE

It's a great day today to know that your choice is considered important. I took the time to go and vote early, to avoid the madness today, but I still uphold great value to this day. Many years ago I could not vote because of the color of my skin, and the gender of my sex. To know that I am able to now do something that people who never knew me fought that I could, is gratifying.

A coworker told me that my vote didn't matter because I live in a republican state where only the electoral votes count; therefore I shouldn't waste my time going to vote. I took that so personal, and yet so disrespectful. I responded offensively. I just didn't understand how can a friend or associate tell you something like that... I realize that when a person chooses a religion or a political party to support that its thier own personal choice, but when its drove by hate for the opposite of what they chose is not honest. For example, I have heard people say they hate my pastor; Joel Osteen. How can you hate someone you  don't really know. Your reason are because of how he teaches, or what you feel like is the wrong way of teaching. Is that a real reason to hate someone. Or someone my hate Barack Obama because he didn't fulfull all his promises in four years. Does it really result into hate? or is it something deeper?.

I may be wrong but when an individual find it reasonable to hate someone because they are of a different choice than their own, is fake. I like Barack Obama, I feel that he is a genuine good person. He cares about what he says, and he's honest. I also like Mitt Romney. I think hes a good family man, and strongly believes in what he says he can do. My reasons to vote for Obama is because he has not been able to fulfil his entire plan in four years. But within those years he has done things that has been big to me. Ending one of Americas largest threat of terrorist. He promise to bring our troops home and he did. He made moves to improve our unemployment rate and it helped. His opportunity is not over, he deserves more time. I really wish that Mitt Romney would of waited, for I also feel like he could of done a good job as our president. Butt he couldn't be completely honest in all his attacks or finger pointing. And to feel as though he also thing that I didn't matter as being apart of the other 47%, I found it offensive. But at the same time I don't know why he said that, or why he felt the need to say that. He may have a genuine reason behind it. I don't hate him for it, I just didn't like the comment. Happy Voting Everyone, May in God we Trust to put our finances and future decision maker in God's hands.

What does it mean to me to be Creative...

To be creative to me is to be original, to be individualized. Everyone has their own meaning of being creative. How I take a paint brush to my canvas may be different than the next person. I am free when I create for I am doing what I love to do. I am taking something and making it standout, and or different than those that is like it. To be creative is to flourish something to a meaning of excitement, or draw attention to it. In situations in life, we all become creative without being aware of it. The way you shift your grocery basket down an aisle of customers that also have grocery baskets. The way a mother may match her daughters socks with the bows in her hair, these are all ways of being creative. How to grasp your husband’s attention during a football game, is considered to be creative. The form of being creative to me, is the way a person go about in being notice with oneself or something.

Dating...

Dating, Dating, Dating. If a woman could read a man's mind. I think all women would be in more productive and sensual relationships. I took myself off the dating scene for awhile, and just recently took a nice summer vacation to New York for a weekend and re-evaluated my decision. The men there are so attentive, complimentary, accepting, and very well put together. Meeting as many nice single guys as I did, made me want to get out there and have a good time. Entertain a good conversation every once in awhile and just have some fun. But I get so confused by men behavior.

One minute they're attentive, calling, and texting you on the hour, at times every hour, and all of sudden one day, your phone doesn't light up, ring, nor vibrate! They're un-attentive, disappeared. You then start to replay the last time you spoke or seen him~ Did I say something wrong., maybe I shouldn't of worn that red lip stick. I hope I didn't say something unpleasant or unattractive. You let yourself have a war with yourself, because of lack of common pleasantries of a man is nonexistence.

Women start to question and second guess themselves due to a man's own personal issues he may have in his life. When a males action are in question, and we have no clue as into why his actions have change; a woman will question herself and her own actions.. When in fact ladies it has nothing to do with you. Especially if they're on one minute and off the next. Let's continue to keep our own identity, and not change because of the identity crisis someone else may be experiencing. We fall in love with a person because of who they are, and not who we want them to be.

Therefore lets keep the trail of hearts following behind us, as we are who we are and our personality is for keeps!

It's Been A Minute

Yes it has been awhile. The last time I had the ambition, or creative time for myself or feeling of anything "emotional"; as into write was earlier this year. After a battle for an over price new home, a new car, a transitional; yet-beneficial move, and the absence of my big sister who is now living in another state. I think I'm finally starting to "feel" again. And what other way to do something I love so much, which is to write.

If we live life as it is, by overlooking the lesson; the negative cycle will continue. A cycle of complications, mistakes, wrong turns, and dead ends. Sometimes the lesson is hard to get, and yet when you calm yourself, take the higher road, or even turn the other cheek; there's no way you can miss it. It's there! And what we are suppose to learn or get out of our situations becomes clearer. And our trials come closer to an end.

For me at times its easier for me to preach it, rather than live it. I have learned my lessons and yet still find myself back in similar situations. Well now,yet again; I feel great things for myself. My emotions are on track, my mindset is set, and formatted. I have re-dreamed my dreams, re-set my goals, and re-establish my life. It's been a minute, but its back. We all go through set backs, and if you have a focus, or if you are serious about living right. You'll get back up. As in the words of Donnie Mc Clurkin, we get back up again. Because the further you go, the more you see, and the closer you get to God. We take a minute, break a minute, and long for another... minute.

My very own

One of today's American Dreams is being a homeowner. Every person that I have ever met that owns their own home usually says the same thing... its worth it! But what they forget to mention is the absolute hell you go through in getting one. For the last sixty days or so, give or take.. I have been in the process of buying a home. It has been an absolute roller coaster ride. Sacrifice, Email, Research, Give, Take, and more Sacrifice. I had to take a class on Saturday about the entire process, and as much as I dread going to take an 8 hour class on my day off, it was well worth the time, and money. I learned a great deal about buying a home, about maintaining a great credit score, and basically staying about the hassle.

I don't understand the reason for so much detail and information though.
The digging and prying of your personal life. There should be the take of knowing you can afford it, for an amount of time it is needed it, and a good credit history. The point of knowing why I went to the mall last week, or if I'm single.. which I hate discussing, because the next question following is usually really? Yes really!!! shouldn't matter. Its like going on a first date with someone that's nosey, and ready to move in with you after two cocktails. Many of the people in the class were couples, and those that were there alone, were either married or engaged. I was the only person in the class who was single. It didn't bother me in the beginning, but as I realized how every person had a person to handle this process with them, I felt as though I had so much ahead of me to take on my own. I'm now at the point of wanting to know if I'm closing or not just so that I can get rid of the nerves, and butterflies in my stomach. The stress of knowing or wondering what they are going to ask me for next. Will this be good enough, does my records look good enough, who do I have to go through next in order for this process to be finish and complete.

But with all of that said: The day when my keys are put in my hand, and I finally have a place to call my own, and not anticipate a rent increase every year, will definitely be worth it! A yard my daughter can run free in with our phoebe! A day not wondering when will I have to pack again.... A place of our own.