Am I Suppose To Care "What They Think"?



"Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it"

OK, in the last two in a half years of my life, I've turned into a very offensive, yet take no shit, and have no patience for ignorance; type of person. In the words of others, they may say I'm a heartless bitch. But yet I'm a very fun, always laughing, and love to make anyone smile. But my reaction to ignorance has made me in the eyes of others as "mean". In the last year, I have had friends walk out of my life, blame me for unhealthy friendships, and get offended by my jokes. I keep coming back to the thought, am I truly a bad person? My current employment has brought many of these attributes to life in me, and the people in whom I work with, gave me the theory of not trusting anyone. For I have seen it first hand someone to smile and volunteer a favor to you, and within seconds, plan an attack and betray me.

"Be yourself, don't take anyone's shit, and never let them take you alive..."

Does another person's opinion of you, carry weight? What one person, may feel who you are... matters? If you don't recognize it. Many of you may say "no", but then I think of those I see around me, who have these horrible characteristics about themselves, and don't notice it. Am I one of those people? Do what other people think of me, ....matters? Or! do I keep the opinion of myself. What makes you happy? Who you have been all this time is what makes you happy? Do you change yourself to compliment the opinions of others?
~I can't be what others want of me. I can only be who I am. Which is what attracted others to me in the first place. I try to find fault in myself of what others may feel. But I always come back to the original thought and truth that I'm not wrong, I'm only me. Nothing has changed about me. From the first time someone had the pleasure of meeting me, until the time they choose to not communicate with me anymore. I think the failure of many relationships in my life is when someone tried to change me to compliment themselves and fail.

I don't like myself, I'M CRAZY ABOUT MYSELF



fetishes!!!



Yes! it has been awhile since I've written, but the energy monitor has been extremely low, and I have been in soo much thought and battle with life's everyday struggle, I've been worn out, even though some of the energy has been towards laughter. It has been some hilarious moments in the last month at my job. I have found it absolutely hysterical to watch people make fools of themselves, blame others for their own faults, and embarrass them self by trying to sabotage or manipulatively see me fail. I feel sorry for them in a way because you can see their efforts and they're fake expressions of triumph, but you can feel their emotions of failure. But despite that pathetic scheme of nothing less folks.

On a lighter note, I can't get pass the fetish I have for fashion. What other therapeutic hobby one could have besides shopping. Especially now in my life since I've lost enough weight to feel absolutely amazing! My main fetish in fashion is shoes! I've always been a great size, but I gained more than 




FP, $98 Love.. Love... Love!!!
I would wear this with some brown flat ankle boots!!

enough pounds on last year where it was absolutely noticeable in my wardrobe and in a way that i wasn't comfortable in some of my clothes, but I'm back to feeling GRREEAATTT! So here's my fetishes for the week

Absolutely Love These! Alejandro Ingelmo $455
Plain White T-Shirt, lose fit, with some nice baggy jeans, cuffed at the botton,
give enough room and image to see the shoes in full!!!

difficult times

we are faced with uncomfortable situations every day. some in which are very difficult to face, go through, and for the current one I’m in; hard to understand. People have constantly surprise me in the things they do, say, and portray. A friend of mine just told me recently, people will constantly surprise you with the things they vindictively do or say to you and not have an inch of sympathy or regret for how it made you feel. Yet another AHA moment.

Just this week I have been in a constant battle with those in whom I never knew was in a competitive battle with me. Secretly trying to bring me down, and not see me succeed. I never knew I was as strong as I have been in the last year in a half, and still have not found it in myself to give myself credit for getting through some of the hardest times in my life, but to only give credit to Jesus. There have been times in the last week, were I felt as though I wasn't walking but that I was being carried. Moments in which I felt so weak, so unable to function my words were delivering themselves. Finding guilt in myself for being honest.

 

There are times in your life where you may not want to be truthful about your current situation and you rather run from it or ignore it. Until the situation hurts you more and more and you realize it will eventually break you. I refuse to be broken, I refuse to be so hurt and delusional from the hurt of others to take away time from my daughter or myself. To let what the action of others affect my life and my happy spirit. For I know Jesus has a plan for us all, and is up to you and me to carry it out, in order to see the glory in which he has inherit to us. So I continue to get up, and do what is right. To do what I was ordain to do, as I've said it before and I'll say it again, my story is just beginning, and it will definitely continue.

around here we don't look backwards for very long

we keep moving forward

opening up new doors

and doing new things

because we are curious

and curiosity keeps leading us down

new paths

                Walt Disney

so tired...

have you ever been so stress where you find it hard to do those things in which you love doing?... or incredibly tired your energy doesn't exist anymore from thinking all day. I'm in one of those moments but I'm claiming victory in the morning; for the Lord said "weep at night but joy comes in the morning."

I hope you all had a wonderful Mothers Day Weekend, rather if you are a mom, or you spent time with your mom. A blessed day was shared and appreciated.

Ignorant People

Ok where are they? Who? The ignorant people, Oh they are indeed everywhere! Let's review the meaning of ignorant.  Ignorant, is the lacking of knowledge or awareness in general; uneducated or unsophisticated. But let’s be fair here. When we say uneducated, let's only refer to being uneducated in certain areas. Not having knowledge of how to respectfully act in public, or around people. Say whatever one may feel regardless to a person’s feelings or concerns. For instance, my sister has three beautiful children, and she gets compliments about them wherever they go. People have literally came up to her and say “oh what beautiful children you have” and my sister would respectfully and kindly reply, Oh Thank You, and then they would say, they must look just like their father! (ignorant people).

That person who always have something negative to say, a comment or opinion that always is the opposite of what you are saying or what you are doing.(ignorant people). Or how about those that have something competitive to say every time you mention anything good about your life. For example, “my daughter finally got an A on her math test”. Oh my daughter always gets an A on her math test! (ignorant people). Those in which who only have two words to say to you when you are feeling bless, or when you finally got that new BMW, there words are, oh that’s good. But when you are down, and you feel like shit, there words are; girl I’m here for you, tell me more about, and how you feel again, oh I’m going to help you get through this. And once you rise and you actually get through and you call them and say “I Got That Job”! First there’s a hesitation, then; Oh ok, well let me call you back. (ignorant people).

I also learn that the more you let people get comfortable with you, the more they find it necessary to give you free advice about your life, or ask you personal questions in which they use against you later. The way that I avoid ignorant people is to not entertain them. Nor let them in too personally. Whatever relationship you may have with a person rather if it’s a colleague, friend at the gym, or potential blog friend, don’t let them in so personally, where they could emotionally affect you on what they may say or do.

the meaningful

Today is one of the most meaningful days of the year, along with the day in which my savior was born. Today one can’t help but to reflect on the understanding of deepness of love he had for me; that he would allow his only begotten son to die upon the cross just so that I would be comforted and protected by his mercy and grace, is beyond words. I’m in love with my Lord. There’s not much one can say or do that can unbalance the life in which he has and is creating for me. Today reminded me of how much hatred has walked upon this world. It has also reminded me of if one is not taught right, one will not do right.

Today at church there was three different kinds of skits. The first one was a reenactment of Moses, as he reflected on his life and the faith and trust he had in God to have children with his wife Sara, and sacrifice his only son on the altar. (This reminded me to be patient and just believe for when it is the right time in one’s life. The second reenactment was of a Hebrew child holding a lamb, and explaining what is was like the night that God place the plague upon Egypt when Pharaoh finally decided to not free Moses people. The fear and uncertainty they had in not knowing but trusting that God would free them, that very night. And to finally be free, was over taking and tremendously overcoming. (This reminded me, that even sometimes we are afraid, and fear may be at outdoor steps, it’s ok to be afraid but to also trust that everything will work out.) The third skit was of a woman and children running from the darkness to the light and constantly shouting and crying out that Jesus is alive! This was emotional for me. I instantly start to cry, for I knew that he was alive and here for me. He’s here, he’s with me, he has never left my side. Yes we go through life, and we quickly get involve into the things in which this life upholds, and just like that we forget. The gas prices, children, careers, relationships, family, diets, exercise, bitterness, friendships, etc. this over crowds our minds, and we need to remember there is something bigger, safer, and loving that is superior than it all. And if we can reflect more on him and what has been done so that we can be here, more things in life will seem smaller, and easier to deal with.

I Am Who I Am, So Who Cares What You Think!

Be true to yourself. Never change who you are to compliment another person’s opinion of you. I have come across people in my life that made it their business to tell me how I should act, and what I shouldn’t say. I am a person that people love to be around, my happy spirit, my outspoken voice and my great energy attracts many people. I am a firm believer in speaking on how I feel about something. If I don’t, I eventually start to resent. So I rather choose to be open so that all communication is real and honest. This quality that I carry, has attracted many individuals. People have found comfort in talking to me. This is a value of mine that I treasure and always want to keep. But it has also caused me to fall in unpredictable situations. People want to hear honesty, but in truth they want you to lie and make them feel good as if it is the truth somehow my opinion became treasure-able. Sometimes who you are is not benefiting another person’s ego, and for that person it becomes a problem. I have met many people in my life who loves to be around me, but find it difficult to be who they really are when they are with me. I have found myself in competitions I wasn’t aware of. I have encountered populace who is always trying to outdo me, and think they are better than, while all alone trying to be just like me.

There is an old song that says, “Let Your True Colors Shine Through” and it goes on to say for your colors are as true as the colors in the rainbow. I have heard that song a million times, and for the first time, I actually listen to the words of it and understood the true meaning of what that song is really saying.



love yourself



 Be real; not only to yourself, but to others. Who you are is what God intended you be. I’m not saying don’t recognize those things that you can change, but only for the purpose of making you more comfortable within your own skin, and not for someone else. At one point in my life I start to change who I was so that other people around me would be comfortable, but I realize that I wasn’t comfortable. Then my AHA Moment came when I grasp that the only thing that I needed to change about myself was how I handled people and how to not let people handle me! When you learn how to do this, nothing no one say, or do, will jeopardize who you truly are.

Be Real, Be Honest, Learn Yourself, Before Others try to teach who you should be.