FREMENIES!

I really never had much emotion or thought to the word "fremenies". I didn't think I had any. Just until recently I had a friend confide in me a conversation she had with a person I thought to be a pretty good associate. I learn this person would take a conversation that I would have with them in confidentiality and would then twist it into bashing me with another person. 

What were they reasons for doing this?

In reality I think it is to make them feel good that I'm not as perfect or as happy as I really am. My first reaction was to be angry, betrayal, get revenge, confront her, and after I calm myself, took about two deep breaths. I realize I was hurt. The question I kept repeating to myself was 'why'. Why am I hurt, why am I surprised? This is not a person in whom I trust, she is not someone I call a friend. What boggle me was the energy a person puts into wanting to know or find something out about me. That they felt was a good topic or two to discuss with another person.

Am I that important? For you to know what kind of car I drive,?how much money I make? what I am I doing this weekend? who I am dating? Where do I live?

What in the hell is that about, it's actually scary. Is this something that should worry me, or enlightened me?
 

Forget That!
 

I know what it is. I look good, I feel good about myself. I love dressing nice, I like compliments! and I love to make anyone smile and laugh. I even love to compliment another person. Do me dressing nice, makes another person hate me, or even dislike me?

Most of my life as an adult and after giving birth to my daughter I felt as though I was invisible; "so I thought."

This situation made me realize I am the topic of many coffee breaks, lunch conversations, smoke break topics, and email subjects. To remind you, I have had great laughs and conversations with these people. And yet I didn't know that I was being watched, that I was being timed, or hoped for to fail. The cost of my rent is being discussed, my credit score is being analyzed to the reasons of why I dress nice- to the shoes I buy on sale.


For Example: Oh girl, I really wanted a house last year, but due to the student loans on my credit it didn't go as good as I would have liked it, now I have to wait.


Fremenie version: She don't even have good credit and she pays $X.00 in rent. Did you see her car? I wonder how much money she makes anyway! She couldn't even afford her lunch the other day, she just had water and bread... hmmm. WHAT? I was at that same lunch, my plate was $18 and I got a light plate, so that I could keep the figure that attracts so much attention to me. DAMN!


After much thought, the feelings that I eventually end up having was flattery!

I learn to embrace it! For it means I'm doing good at what I do. But I also learn to stop smiling so much and trusting everyone. While I'm so busy smiling I don't notice those who truly are against me, and trying to get me in a position to fail.


I'm going to keep on looking good! Creating my own fashion do's and strutting the cat walk! For it is something I love to do. I'm good at it. And one day I'm going to make a living out of it.

DONT GO

There are times when a routine, habit, people, and schedule becomes a constant rotation in our lives. We get comfortable, and attached to them. When a change or detour occurs, it could either be great, or it could be sad. The change that has just interrupted my life has sadden me. My big sister who has never been away from me, no more than two to three days at a time is moving away. She is moving on the other side of the United States. More than 800 miles away, and it is not settling well with my mom, her, and myself. We all have been crying non-stop for the last three weeks, and as our time of living in the same city comes close to moving day, it gets harder and harder to fight the emotions of feeling lost, distant, and hurt.

Who would have ever thought my best friend that I have had since I was born would end up being so far away from me. Not in reach to cry on her shoulder, unexpected phone calls to meet for lunch, meeting in the lobby for church: after it already started. :-). I'm going to miss her so much. Apart of me will feel lost, and incomplete. My nieces will be missed also. Their smiles, their laughter, and most of all the weird questions... and to hear them call me "auntie". Missing my sister calling me "sissy". What shall I do with my sister away? How am I to say bye not knowing when will I see her again? How will I protect her when she needs me?

I will pray and forever keep her in my thoughts. I will call her every morning just to hear her voice. We will share a laugh and a compliment or two, just as she was here in the new. I will Skype with the girls to make sure they don't grow too much without me. Send them treats, presents, and feed them sweets. Anticipate the holidays for I know we will all share. Let the new beginning of our lives begin in a crisp air.

Love you sissy.