why even make plans?

 hate when my day doesn't go as I plan. They always say when you wanna hear God laugh, tell him your plans. I have to remember that when I plan for something in the future I have to remember to say to God if it is in your plans I will... So much has happen this year, but what 's new. There is always much happening every year in my life. Every time I get pass one hard point of living; there's another one right behind it. I miss the days when I was younger when there were more happy days than bad ones, as I get older there are more bad days than happy ones. Even though I try to make a smile out of every moment of the day, I always find myself reflecting on the direction my life has went rather than the direction I want it to go.

I'm moving in about three weeks, and I am not excited about it. I'm having to get use to the independent land lord, and so far its not working out for me. Versus me having a company as my landlord rather than an individual, is not something I'm beginning to like at all. I wonder what God thinks of the many questions I have flowing in my mind everyday to him. Especially when I'm face with hard and difficult decisions. At times I feel lost as if he forces me to make these decisions on my own, knowing the one I will make regardless if its the right one or not. I wish I had a guardian angel that would help me in all the decisions I make. An angel that will calm my heart when its stress or worried about something I have no control over.

If you haven't notice now, I'm in a slump today. I finally found myself not being the dominant person of the many disagreements I have with people. I only now have the strength to say OK, and accept things that i don't want to hear or can't help to control. Which is really hard for me. And yet I have to accept it, and trust that everything will work out. Even if I decide to give up on something and not react with my emotions, I rather not face the negative consequences. Tsk! Its kind of like, accepting the consequences of a decision I made, or doing something about it now and facing even more negative consequences later. Isn't that something horrible for someone to worry and stress about. Sometimes I wanna cry and hope God feels sorry for me and make everything better, nope! It doesn't work like that. I wish it did. Because I definitely feel like crying.

HALLoWeEn!!!!!!!

What a fun Holiday! Halloween! You can dress to be whoever you want to be on this day, and not be judged or questioned. For me and my daughter this year, we were without our norm for this holiday. Even though my sister and my nieces are not here physically, they were with us in spirit during our trick-or-treat extravaganza last night. Its been an emotional weekend dreading the thought of this night not having  my sister or nieces by me and my daughters side. My daughter didn't event want to go out without her cousins, but I talked her into it, and she had a ball! The community was so involved in the holiday for the children, there were catering outside serving hot dogs, haunted houses, and some neighbors were even scaring the children as they approach thier front doors.

A little upset because I wanted to check the candy first, and refuse to smile for the picture.





We even had an amazing Halloween Costume Party at work, most of us didn't participate, (like myself, far left)..in the glasses. But we really all had a nice time. Can any of you guess who the guy is in the black coat???





FREMENIES!

I really never had much emotion or thought to the word "fremenies". I didn't think I had any. Just until recently I had a friend confide in me a conversation she had with a person I thought to be a pretty good associate. I learn this person would take a conversation that I would have with them in confidentiality and would then twist it into bashing me with another person. 

What were they reasons for doing this?

In reality I think it is to make them feel good that I'm not as perfect or as happy as I really am. My first reaction was to be angry, betrayal, get revenge, confront her, and after I calm myself, took about two deep breaths. I realize I was hurt. The question I kept repeating to myself was 'why'. Why am I hurt, why am I surprised? This is not a person in whom I trust, she is not someone I call a friend. What boggle me was the energy a person puts into wanting to know or find something out about me. That they felt was a good topic or two to discuss with another person.

Am I that important? For you to know what kind of car I drive,?how much money I make? what I am I doing this weekend? who I am dating? Where do I live?

What in the hell is that about, it's actually scary. Is this something that should worry me, or enlightened me?
 

Forget That!
 

I know what it is. I look good, I feel good about myself. I love dressing nice, I like compliments! and I love to make anyone smile and laugh. I even love to compliment another person. Do me dressing nice, makes another person hate me, or even dislike me?

Most of my life as an adult and after giving birth to my daughter I felt as though I was invisible; "so I thought."

This situation made me realize I am the topic of many coffee breaks, lunch conversations, smoke break topics, and email subjects. To remind you, I have had great laughs and conversations with these people. And yet I didn't know that I was being watched, that I was being timed, or hoped for to fail. The cost of my rent is being discussed, my credit score is being analyzed to the reasons of why I dress nice- to the shoes I buy on sale.


For Example: Oh girl, I really wanted a house last year, but due to the student loans on my credit it didn't go as good as I would have liked it, now I have to wait.


Fremenie version: She don't even have good credit and she pays $X.00 in rent. Did you see her car? I wonder how much money she makes anyway! She couldn't even afford her lunch the other day, she just had water and bread... hmmm. WHAT? I was at that same lunch, my plate was $18 and I got a light plate, so that I could keep the figure that attracts so much attention to me. DAMN!


After much thought, the feelings that I eventually end up having was flattery!

I learn to embrace it! For it means I'm doing good at what I do. But I also learn to stop smiling so much and trusting everyone. While I'm so busy smiling I don't notice those who truly are against me, and trying to get me in a position to fail.


I'm going to keep on looking good! Creating my own fashion do's and strutting the cat walk! For it is something I love to do. I'm good at it. And one day I'm going to make a living out of it.

DONT GO

There are times when a routine, habit, people, and schedule becomes a constant rotation in our lives. We get comfortable, and attached to them. When a change or detour occurs, it could either be great, or it could be sad. The change that has just interrupted my life has sadden me. My big sister who has never been away from me, no more than two to three days at a time is moving away. She is moving on the other side of the United States. More than 800 miles away, and it is not settling well with my mom, her, and myself. We all have been crying non-stop for the last three weeks, and as our time of living in the same city comes close to moving day, it gets harder and harder to fight the emotions of feeling lost, distant, and hurt.

Who would have ever thought my best friend that I have had since I was born would end up being so far away from me. Not in reach to cry on her shoulder, unexpected phone calls to meet for lunch, meeting in the lobby for church: after it already started. :-). I'm going to miss her so much. Apart of me will feel lost, and incomplete. My nieces will be missed also. Their smiles, their laughter, and most of all the weird questions... and to hear them call me "auntie". Missing my sister calling me "sissy". What shall I do with my sister away? How am I to say bye not knowing when will I see her again? How will I protect her when she needs me?

I will pray and forever keep her in my thoughts. I will call her every morning just to hear her voice. We will share a laugh and a compliment or two, just as she was here in the new. I will Skype with the girls to make sure they don't grow too much without me. Send them treats, presents, and feed them sweets. Anticipate the holidays for I know we will all share. Let the new beginning of our lives begin in a crisp air.

Love you sissy.

What are you wearing.... for I love what I am!

I absolutely LOVE SHOPPING! Just the thought of having some new shoes on my feet, with a complimentary pants or dress excites me more than other pleasures in life! Well not all other pleasures.(wink)

I find therapy in shopping, its therapeutic.

Not everyone has a sense of fashion. Some people wear things that just doesn't flatter their bodies or their personalities. Especially women. For me when I shop I don't necessary look at how a garment hangs on the hanger, but imagine the way it would hang on my body shape. I have a small frame at the top, small waist, but wide hips! and small calves. So I look for clothing, that has the hour glass shape but also gives me room around my hips. I don't force myself into anything that doesn't do my body or my confidence any good. I am also very curvy, so there's not much room for tight fitting clothes. A great loose outfit hangs beautifully on me. Some women force themselves in a shirt that gives their breast no time apart from each other; so they're breast try to escape through their cleavage. There is also a not so flattering rule to wearing your clothes too loosely. Why wear something that is too big on your body and gives your shape no voice or appearance. I tell my friends all the time, wear clothes in which you are comfortable in. Something that does not consist of constant adjusting, pulling, or fixing. That is not comfort, but that is the constant need of not being sure of what you are wearing. But something that can carry itself; by making you look flattering without having to constantly remind your clothes of what to do. Many times a person may see someone on TV or in a magazine with a flattering outfit on and assume that they can wear it too. No no no.. You can have that sense of style but not the exact fit.

  For curvier women, like myself. I can see a woman in a short skirt, that looks amazing on her, and even though the skirt is short is doesn't look like evening wear because her frame is small. But for me since I'm a 27 in a waist but a 46 in the hips, I could wear the skirt but put on some flattering tights with it so that it won't put so much attention on my butt, rather than my long legs.. Its called emphasizing and not copy catting. You have to find your sense of fashion and not grasp to someone else's. There are a lot of women wearing clothes in which they really shouldn't, but think that it looks good on them because they are able to get it on. That is not a good scenario.


I am also one of those people who do not feel as though I have to match EVERYTHING! Have you ever seen those women who have the earrings to match with the purse, the belt, ring, eye shadow and so forth. I hate that! Even though it may work for some of you, I don't necessarily try to do it. I can put some dark pants on with a red shirt, and throw on some leopard shoes, and absolutely pull it off! it's called confidence. My shoes barely ever match what I have on, but it is how you wear it, and the confidence you wear it with.


And if you heard it before, you're going to hear it again. Every woman does not have to be skinny in order to look great! I'm not skinny, I have curves, and I think curves are absolutely beautiful on women.

Women that are unique in their own way is what I find to be beautiful! The different shapes and curves of every woman is the story in which she has about her own body. Why would a woman want to change her own story in order to tell the story of another woman's shape. I absolutely love my body, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Even though at times I have to get my pants altered in the waist area, or can't pull some pants up over my hips. I wouldn't trade it! Love yourself, love your body, find your own definition of your fashion style, and give the statement of a lifetime.

What the F...!

If you have read any of my posts in the last six months you would be able to notice that I was in a very difficult situation within my career, with myself, and learning life lessons. I am just now making it to healing, and relief phase. But in all I still have questions that I feel or unanswered, but I'm calmer, more happier, and feel like I'm finally catching my breath. OK,... wait... here it comes.. whoo! (exhale). I finally feel strong, I was at a point in which I felt tired and weak everyday. I stop working out, I start losing wieght, I wasn't conscious of most of the things around me. But now I'm feeling free of burden, stress, and most of all anger. I'm loving life again.

On another note there is so much effort people put into to hating, sabotaging, and disliking someone for reason they find are justifiable.

I am a member of Lakewood Church in Houston Texas, home of Pastor Joel Osteen. And today I found myself in a situation where individuals were trying to persuade me of reasons that they feel Joel is inadequate to speak. They were saying he speaks BS, that his messages or corrupt, and that cannot be trusted. Majority of these people have never been in the same room with him, shook his hand, or even been to one of his sermons. Others have found there opinion through gossip, opinions of TV analysts, false statements, and so on. One person even found it necessary to show me a sermon of another pastor giving a message dissecting one of Joel Osteen's messages. I did not understand it. I thought that was absurb. If you don't like the way someone is doing something, or how they are speaking, why put effort into hating, or disliking that person or the thing that person does?

I feel like the main term people forget to dissect, judge, analyze, or even try to do is communicate. With the situation I experienced in the last year, the failed relationships I have had, the friendships that no longer exist, I feel has always failed because of the failure of communication. People interpret what one person says differently than what they could have possibly meant. They take that meaning and run with it, feed off of it, make it bigger in their mind on a negative level, let it fester and then become destructive. There are so many things a person can put their energy into. Get a positive meaning to life, find a hobby, start an organization, volunteer, do something! Rather than hating or belittling another human being for doing something bigger than themself.

Be apart of the good things the world has to offer, rather than festering on the things that you have to give negative thought into.

Am I Suppose To Care "What They Think"?



"Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it"

OK, in the last two in a half years of my life, I've turned into a very offensive, yet take no shit, and have no patience for ignorance; type of person. In the words of others, they may say I'm a heartless bitch. But yet I'm a very fun, always laughing, and love to make anyone smile. But my reaction to ignorance has made me in the eyes of others as "mean". In the last year, I have had friends walk out of my life, blame me for unhealthy friendships, and get offended by my jokes. I keep coming back to the thought, am I truly a bad person? My current employment has brought many of these attributes to life in me, and the people in whom I work with, gave me the theory of not trusting anyone. For I have seen it first hand someone to smile and volunteer a favor to you, and within seconds, plan an attack and betray me.

"Be yourself, don't take anyone's shit, and never let them take you alive..."

Does another person's opinion of you, carry weight? What one person, may feel who you are... matters? If you don't recognize it. Many of you may say "no", but then I think of those I see around me, who have these horrible characteristics about themselves, and don't notice it. Am I one of those people? Do what other people think of me, ....matters? Or! do I keep the opinion of myself. What makes you happy? Who you have been all this time is what makes you happy? Do you change yourself to compliment the opinions of others?
~I can't be what others want of me. I can only be who I am. Which is what attracted others to me in the first place. I try to find fault in myself of what others may feel. But I always come back to the original thought and truth that I'm not wrong, I'm only me. Nothing has changed about me. From the first time someone had the pleasure of meeting me, until the time they choose to not communicate with me anymore. I think the failure of many relationships in my life is when someone tried to change me to compliment themselves and fail.

I don't like myself, I'M CRAZY ABOUT MYSELF



fetishes!!!



Yes! it has been awhile since I've written, but the energy monitor has been extremely low, and I have been in soo much thought and battle with life's everyday struggle, I've been worn out, even though some of the energy has been towards laughter. It has been some hilarious moments in the last month at my job. I have found it absolutely hysterical to watch people make fools of themselves, blame others for their own faults, and embarrass them self by trying to sabotage or manipulatively see me fail. I feel sorry for them in a way because you can see their efforts and they're fake expressions of triumph, but you can feel their emotions of failure. But despite that pathetic scheme of nothing less folks.

On a lighter note, I can't get pass the fetish I have for fashion. What other therapeutic hobby one could have besides shopping. Especially now in my life since I've lost enough weight to feel absolutely amazing! My main fetish in fashion is shoes! I've always been a great size, but I gained more than 




FP, $98 Love.. Love... Love!!!
I would wear this with some brown flat ankle boots!!

enough pounds on last year where it was absolutely noticeable in my wardrobe and in a way that i wasn't comfortable in some of my clothes, but I'm back to feeling GRREEAATTT! So here's my fetishes for the week

Absolutely Love These! Alejandro Ingelmo $455
Plain White T-Shirt, lose fit, with some nice baggy jeans, cuffed at the botton,
give enough room and image to see the shoes in full!!!

difficult times

we are faced with uncomfortable situations every day. some in which are very difficult to face, go through, and for the current one I’m in; hard to understand. People have constantly surprise me in the things they do, say, and portray. A friend of mine just told me recently, people will constantly surprise you with the things they vindictively do or say to you and not have an inch of sympathy or regret for how it made you feel. Yet another AHA moment.

Just this week I have been in a constant battle with those in whom I never knew was in a competitive battle with me. Secretly trying to bring me down, and not see me succeed. I never knew I was as strong as I have been in the last year in a half, and still have not found it in myself to give myself credit for getting through some of the hardest times in my life, but to only give credit to Jesus. There have been times in the last week, were I felt as though I wasn't walking but that I was being carried. Moments in which I felt so weak, so unable to function my words were delivering themselves. Finding guilt in myself for being honest.

 

There are times in your life where you may not want to be truthful about your current situation and you rather run from it or ignore it. Until the situation hurts you more and more and you realize it will eventually break you. I refuse to be broken, I refuse to be so hurt and delusional from the hurt of others to take away time from my daughter or myself. To let what the action of others affect my life and my happy spirit. For I know Jesus has a plan for us all, and is up to you and me to carry it out, in order to see the glory in which he has inherit to us. So I continue to get up, and do what is right. To do what I was ordain to do, as I've said it before and I'll say it again, my story is just beginning, and it will definitely continue.

around here we don't look backwards for very long

we keep moving forward

opening up new doors

and doing new things

because we are curious

and curiosity keeps leading us down

new paths

                Walt Disney

so tired...

have you ever been so stress where you find it hard to do those things in which you love doing?... or incredibly tired your energy doesn't exist anymore from thinking all day. I'm in one of those moments but I'm claiming victory in the morning; for the Lord said "weep at night but joy comes in the morning."

I hope you all had a wonderful Mothers Day Weekend, rather if you are a mom, or you spent time with your mom. A blessed day was shared and appreciated.

Ignorant People

Ok where are they? Who? The ignorant people, Oh they are indeed everywhere! Let's review the meaning of ignorant.  Ignorant, is the lacking of knowledge or awareness in general; uneducated or unsophisticated. But let’s be fair here. When we say uneducated, let's only refer to being uneducated in certain areas. Not having knowledge of how to respectfully act in public, or around people. Say whatever one may feel regardless to a person’s feelings or concerns. For instance, my sister has three beautiful children, and she gets compliments about them wherever they go. People have literally came up to her and say “oh what beautiful children you have” and my sister would respectfully and kindly reply, Oh Thank You, and then they would say, they must look just like their father! (ignorant people).

That person who always have something negative to say, a comment or opinion that always is the opposite of what you are saying or what you are doing.(ignorant people). Or how about those that have something competitive to say every time you mention anything good about your life. For example, “my daughter finally got an A on her math test”. Oh my daughter always gets an A on her math test! (ignorant people). Those in which who only have two words to say to you when you are feeling bless, or when you finally got that new BMW, there words are, oh that’s good. But when you are down, and you feel like shit, there words are; girl I’m here for you, tell me more about, and how you feel again, oh I’m going to help you get through this. And once you rise and you actually get through and you call them and say “I Got That Job”! First there’s a hesitation, then; Oh ok, well let me call you back. (ignorant people).

I also learn that the more you let people get comfortable with you, the more they find it necessary to give you free advice about your life, or ask you personal questions in which they use against you later. The way that I avoid ignorant people is to not entertain them. Nor let them in too personally. Whatever relationship you may have with a person rather if it’s a colleague, friend at the gym, or potential blog friend, don’t let them in so personally, where they could emotionally affect you on what they may say or do.

the meaningful

Today is one of the most meaningful days of the year, along with the day in which my savior was born. Today one can’t help but to reflect on the understanding of deepness of love he had for me; that he would allow his only begotten son to die upon the cross just so that I would be comforted and protected by his mercy and grace, is beyond words. I’m in love with my Lord. There’s not much one can say or do that can unbalance the life in which he has and is creating for me. Today reminded me of how much hatred has walked upon this world. It has also reminded me of if one is not taught right, one will not do right.

Today at church there was three different kinds of skits. The first one was a reenactment of Moses, as he reflected on his life and the faith and trust he had in God to have children with his wife Sara, and sacrifice his only son on the altar. (This reminded me to be patient and just believe for when it is the right time in one’s life. The second reenactment was of a Hebrew child holding a lamb, and explaining what is was like the night that God place the plague upon Egypt when Pharaoh finally decided to not free Moses people. The fear and uncertainty they had in not knowing but trusting that God would free them, that very night. And to finally be free, was over taking and tremendously overcoming. (This reminded me, that even sometimes we are afraid, and fear may be at outdoor steps, it’s ok to be afraid but to also trust that everything will work out.) The third skit was of a woman and children running from the darkness to the light and constantly shouting and crying out that Jesus is alive! This was emotional for me. I instantly start to cry, for I knew that he was alive and here for me. He’s here, he’s with me, he has never left my side. Yes we go through life, and we quickly get involve into the things in which this life upholds, and just like that we forget. The gas prices, children, careers, relationships, family, diets, exercise, bitterness, friendships, etc. this over crowds our minds, and we need to remember there is something bigger, safer, and loving that is superior than it all. And if we can reflect more on him and what has been done so that we can be here, more things in life will seem smaller, and easier to deal with.

I Am Who I Am, So Who Cares What You Think!

Be true to yourself. Never change who you are to compliment another person’s opinion of you. I have come across people in my life that made it their business to tell me how I should act, and what I shouldn’t say. I am a person that people love to be around, my happy spirit, my outspoken voice and my great energy attracts many people. I am a firm believer in speaking on how I feel about something. If I don’t, I eventually start to resent. So I rather choose to be open so that all communication is real and honest. This quality that I carry, has attracted many individuals. People have found comfort in talking to me. This is a value of mine that I treasure and always want to keep. But it has also caused me to fall in unpredictable situations. People want to hear honesty, but in truth they want you to lie and make them feel good as if it is the truth somehow my opinion became treasure-able. Sometimes who you are is not benefiting another person’s ego, and for that person it becomes a problem. I have met many people in my life who loves to be around me, but find it difficult to be who they really are when they are with me. I have found myself in competitions I wasn’t aware of. I have encountered populace who is always trying to outdo me, and think they are better than, while all alone trying to be just like me.

There is an old song that says, “Let Your True Colors Shine Through” and it goes on to say for your colors are as true as the colors in the rainbow. I have heard that song a million times, and for the first time, I actually listen to the words of it and understood the true meaning of what that song is really saying.



love yourself



 Be real; not only to yourself, but to others. Who you are is what God intended you be. I’m not saying don’t recognize those things that you can change, but only for the purpose of making you more comfortable within your own skin, and not for someone else. At one point in my life I start to change who I was so that other people around me would be comfortable, but I realize that I wasn’t comfortable. Then my AHA Moment came when I grasp that the only thing that I needed to change about myself was how I handled people and how to not let people handle me! When you learn how to do this, nothing no one say, or do, will jeopardize who you truly are.

Be Real, Be Honest, Learn Yourself, Before Others try to teach who you should be.

am i there yet

Do a situation gets better when you suffer more from it? or when you actually give up. Seemingly it seems that way for me. The more I’m refusing to know, or do, the worse my situation gets. As much as I ignore ignorant or jealous individuals, the worse my situation get. I ask myself; why God has not move me yet? I ask myself this question very often, mostly on Monday mornings when I awake before I leave home.  Am I not done with the lesson at hand? Have I not suffer enough in order to become stronger? What more is there for me to do, why do I still have to be in the presence of people who I know want to see me fail. Wouldn't it be easier for everyone if I was in another blessed opportunity? This shit gets harder as each week progresses and it is stamped with a past of bad experiences.

This chapter of my life.

I’ve decided to name this chapter, “Overcoming My Truth and There’s Too”. There are situations in your life where we want to ignore the obvious. As in myself I want to walk away from it. Don’t care about it, and try my best to avoid it. As I consistently read my bible, I find it comforting in knowing that God still has me in the palm of his hands. Today I read that we “should dwell in the land” Even though we may feel like running away from or trying to hide from challenges, do so robs us of experiencing how God can provide a place of rest and safety. For “I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety”. (Psalm 4:8)

Magnificent Mother

Saturday was my mother's birthday. If I was to tell you her age I probably wouldn't exist anymore! But let's say she looks amazine. Most people would guess her age, and literally be wrong. She looks so young. My mother looks amazing, I can honestly say she looks 20 years younger than what she is. Her vibrance, strong will, and sophistication has mold me into a woman of intelligence, extreme confidence, and striving will. My sister and I planned a small gathering to celebrate her birthday, and it turned out to be an extravaganza with family. Extended family, and friends of the family. Even new family ended up joining us! It was great!

Me and my sister were the entertainment of the entire engagement. As usual! Making everyone smile, and laugh histerically. At one point in the evening we ran out of food. Not knowing how many people was going to join us that day! It was so wonderful! Time spent with family is when I'm at my best, and I felt absolutely great!

Barbecue Ribs, Chicken, Sausage, Potato Salad, and watermelon! It was great! As busy as I was serving and making sure everyone was comfortable and fed, I would glance at my mother and she would be smiling, and at times I honestly think she was overwhelmed with appreciation and happiness.

The best moment of the night is when she was holding her birthday cake, and my sister and I wanted to get a picture, and all of sudden everyone pulled out their cameras and the flashes were coming from every angle! Everyone wanted a picture of her on her birthday. It was a true paparazzi moment for my mom! She felt incredible! I love her so much, I pray that God will continually shower her with blessings of sunshine and radiant health. I look at other peoples parents and it makes me appreciate my mother even more, for not everyone has a good mom. I am one of the few that do.

Miami, Miami, Miami!

When you are a single mother, career woman, and college student, there is usually not much time to yourself. So when you do get a moment, or even a weekend away from the race against time, you tend to take it all in for you know it may not last long. This past weekend I was able to go to Miami and breathe, relax, take in some sun, and just enjoy "myself". Even though I cried like a baby when I dropped Mekenzie off at school Friday morning, I am always in the mindset that I know she needs me, so I have to be there for her.

So in order for me to leave her for three days was a very hard thing to do. I deal with so much mentally on a daily note, that I never remember to think of what I need to do or feel for myself. This trip gave me that moment. Time spent with great friends, was way more than what I expected or even thought I needed. Friday night I was taken to an absolute wonderful spot were these big beautiful rocks lead a path in the middle of the ocean, and I was able to walk on these rocks until I couldn't go anymore and just sit.. think... sit some more... think some more...; and think about how creative my God is.

Saturday me and my friends spent a lot of time at the beach, while enjoying some cocktails, laying in the sun, embracing a fascinating breeze, and swimming in a beautiful ocean.

Here's a pic from our hotel roof top pool, so relaxing and pleasant.

 After spending much time up here, I didn't want to go back to the room. And the ocean view wasn't bad either.

It's amazing to actually reflect on how the world was created, and it's also a blessing to be apart of it and appreciate it all the same.

Taking in such a moment and view, was breath taking many times during this trip.

I couldn't help many times but to just take a pictures of the ocean,

or even the sand. I think myself couldn't even believe I had a break from it all.

I missed my Mekenzie a lot, and many thoughts rolled through my mind of her missing me, and myself missing her, but I was able to quickly result back

to taking it all in, before my duties begin once again Tuesday Morning.



The pictures were so beautiful. I knew where I was and I could see the beauty in it all. But when I looked at the pictures I felt as if I was viewing someone else's post card, because I couldn't believe I was there.

I work in one of the most stressful job environments, and to be able to take this trip to Miami with wonderful friends, I now know that I can still trust God in what is to come of my life, and the necessary steps it takes to get there. To be able to go from paradise and back to a unstable work environment, gives me drive to keep going, and trust in the word in which I beleive. For moments like these are worth the struggle to get to them.

Love is not lost, only sometimes forgotten...

needless to say

You were created for a purpose; every situation you have gone through or are going through is setting you up for a divine moment. Look into every circumstance as a piece of the puzzle coming together in which God has created for your in the beginning.  The fact that I’m here matters. There is no accident.

Prepare for opportunity. I don’t believe in Luck, I believe in God’s plan, his divine order. We are being prepared in ways we don’t even know we are being prepared for.   For me, and for you, everything that has ever happen in our lives is preparing you for the moment which is to come. A moment in which you would have never imagine for yourself or dreamed of.

The universe always speaks to us. You've heard it before; it is as a whisper… We sometimes ignore it, and then it becomes louder, and as we continue in the direction in which we are comfortable, because we are afraid of change, the whisper then shouts. We all of sudden stumble, and we look around as if the voice itself is behind us. We continue, and one day it happens; we fall.

The path in which we were on starts to crumble, we then realize the whisper is all we have left to trust in, and as we listen, we follow, and a life in which we want then starts to come together.
We are more than what we appear. Our being here is no mistake. The purpose of our existence is what we should seek for. If you do not strive to know what your purpose is, you are as a lost soul roaming the earth.

Every situation, circumstance, problem, or worry, is a step closer into building a character of yourself that is sustain for the life in which you were created to have. Embrace life, challenge yourself in challenges. Live for the unexpected, because it far more than what we think.

the week from hell

what a journey it has been this week. So much to say and so much to do. So many decisions to make and follow through on. No one's advice is helpful because it's different from the next person. One person says this, and another person says that. Those problems in which existed before, is elevated for the problems I endure now has my most concern and thoughts toward. Then life seems not fair, everyone seems a bother. I start to shut everyone out one by one.

My nerves are high, and my attitude is extreme, I'm snapping on every little thing and apologizing later. But in it all, I still feel serenity, I am blessed and have gratitude for the things in my life, my daughters presence in my life! I love the lord, and I know the Lord loves me. As much as I have endured this week, I'm able to still feel restoration and positive expectations. I've been forced this week to place a judgment upon a person a part of me, but a judgment that I don't see or even an opinion. In situations like this you believe in one thing, and familiar with it. But the experts say something different, so you're force to make a decision in which you don't believe but don't have a choice in believing in. What am I to do? This reminds of one of my recent writings of enduring the suffering and not praying it away but embracing it. I now sit  and thins, but there’s a time limit on what is needed to be done, God has not respond yet, so I feel somewhat alone, but also growing. I hope the decision I make is right, I hope that the way it feels is not the end results. This is one of those chapters that are continued on to the next, for the story continues as the testimony awaits.

gReAtEsT

Today was one of the most profound, exciting, visual, love days of my life. I was actually able to enjoy a day of life and with joy with Mekenzie. It was all about my daughter.

                                                                                                                                 effortless

Those days don't come often or barely ever presented. I was able to give her a serene moment. and many unexpected laughters. A day at the musuem was amazing, we were able to see 600 carat diamonds, and a 100 years old artifacts. Gems and crystals that were so beautiful in color, you couldn't stop looking at them. We rode paddle boats, chase ducks and squirrels. We rode the train, we flew down slides, and went the highest upon swings. We lived today!

As hard as one works for the lifestyle I want my child to have, I've sacrifice the moments in her life which are important. The experience of new places and new things. The knowledgeable trips and lifestyle experiences every child should have.

The moments carried in each day that a parent learns something new about their child, is being missed.
 To occupy that time in a place where fairness has no meaning, there is no compromise, or yet no concern. One needs to rethink her direction, focus more on the life in which God has place in her hands, and remap lfies journey in which God has already planned. The focus of life is not to be better than the next person, to not uphold an image others envy, but to be honest with oneself first.

 I took this picture as it caught my eye, seeing my daughter in a calm place.To not change other people, but to look for great reasons to change thy self, so that one may not encounter situations your own characterstic could be blamed.

 
I encountered some wonderful moments today, beautiful sceneries, and forever held memories. Here are a few...


One should focus more on the things that are

important, not in the things we see is necessary.

Stop for a moment and just really look at where

you are. Notice the art and undescribe beauty of only

things nature can cause naturally.

 

a moment of sillyness, turn out to be a smile and cry in my memory

 

calm garden representation of chinese

I could of stayed in this garden forever, as I watch mekenzie play and sing, strangers in love hold hands, families talking and enjoying each others company, and children playing. There was no hate, only peace.

 

Natural Museum of Science.

God has place serene places, one of a kind corners, and magnificent

sceneries. Sometimes all we have to do is be still, close our eyes,

and listen.

arising

I am in one of the hardest challenges in my life right now

And yet I am surpassing vibrantly with radiant colors of gifts, accomplishments, hysterical moments, refounding family, and sympathetic friends. . The more I read my new NIV Women's Devotional Bible, everything has been put into perspective, and I'm learning, learning, learning. Nothing is taken for granted, forgotten, or misplaced. Every moment has a message, every word has a purpose, no one is judged. I have come across some fantastic "things", interesting people, and incredible lessons. And yet I see people who may not be learning, still listening to a good word, but acting in a mysterious way. Some are confused, many are content, a few are happy, and a several are loss.

For myself those things I don't understand I try my best to put in my envelope and use my "prayer" stamp and let it go on its way. My heart tells me so much more is in store for me, but my eyes remain on the stop sign at the corner, where the intersection is never clear enough to see what's across the street. But I'm comfortable as my favorite song is on repeat, the atmosphere is cool, my shades are on as the sun warms my skin, my daughter sings to me with ease and flow and in words only me, her and God understands. Tomorrow awaits and as I crave another smile and so much more.

I had an amazing Saturday.

~ 8am Spin Class at the Gym, this workout is so good for the start of the day!

~ Reflecting Moments, shared through life's book, I'm so in love with my new bible, it has brought so 

much amazing insight, relief, challenges into perspective, and hope.

 ~ My family and I had a feast of Crawfish, OMG how delectable they were

~ My friends and I later went bowling and had a ball!!! I laughed so much my stomach was soar.

Since this is my first time reflecting on my Happy Saturday Lists, here are some recent past Saturdays that made my life up lifting and perfected, despite the challenges during the week.

  ~ My Mekenzie ( my heart throb) dancing in her ballet dance class! 

 

 ~ My mother looking lovely and ready for Rodeo Time at the Rodeo Parade!

  

 

 ~ I accomplished one of the most intense chapters in my life and that's receiving my Associates of Arts degree in Foundations of Business.

 ~ Amazing Friends who actually care about my accomplishments and got really creative and gave me a coin fill gift! :-)

Quietness..

Learning the ability to be quiet.

A smart person has much to say, an even smarter person remains quiet. I am one who feels it is necessary to always speak her mind, give an opinion, and fight for a cause. Not my best asset and have been my biggest mistake in many situations in my life. People love to fight, argue, compete, and challenge you. A person can only offend you when they know something of you. How a person learns about you is from what you tell them or how you respond, react, and speak. Most of the time you will find people who will try their best to know you, in order to cause offense to you. But! When you remain quiet, evaluate, listen, and observe the words of another individual, you will learn so much more, than what was intended. You will learn more about that person than they set out on learning about you. To be open and sincere is one thing, but to be vindictive and sneaky is another. Life is challenging, and yet rewarding. To know when you are in a lesson is knowledge, to fail the same lesson twice is failure to notice the moment in which God is promoting you.

awaiting change

as much as I want to write about how I constantly await for God to change something’s in my life, I find it to be a selfish. For I am truly bless to have as much as I have and to have gain as much. I look around at the things in my possession and cannot understand how I was able to buy, obtain, or even hold on to them. Occasionally I find myself in situations where I'm able to maintain, stay focus, and relatively bite my tongue, until God moves me, or change the scenery. I feel that he keeps you in certain situations until you are able to get the lesson, find the change, and maturely advance in character. Until then the same mistakes can be made, and the same tests can be taken.

 I realize now that I have endured, I look in every corner for my answer, and I have even in many cases found myself being treated unfairly, misused, spoken to wrong, and have remained subtle. Keep my mouth closed, and refrain from fighting, and as hard as it has been "arguing". So as I await change, I have to keep my focus, continue the silent fight, and refrain from reacting to others faults, and actions. There's a battle here on earth, a battle in which is fought by many to keep their good frame of mind. As I get tired by the end of Thursday of every week, I long for the day of Sunday. A day of where I'm reminded that a good change is coming, and the wait I actively do will not be for nothing or in vein. awaiting change defines faith, which are things unseen and hope for.

so as I await change, I endure patience, I gain knowledge, and I become wise.

dEEp THOUGHTS today...

"have you ever heard someone say that "Love liberates" ? Well I did, just today from the mouth of the most soul founded individual. Maya Angelou. She spoke words of finding who you really are, and the qualities one should have in order to be free of stress you can bring upon yourself or give others the benefit of bringing stress upon you"

thoughts today...

Love liberates..Love does not judge, but waits upon the lord to move, - it doesn’t binds. It liberates! Just do right..Be the best human being you can be, just do it because it is the right thing to do...People that know you, and that really knows you, will add you to their prayers. If this is where God has me in my life, I must need it... ~Maya Angelou

Developing my pearl... I don’t have to pray away every situation but to embrace in what God is wanting me to get out of it. If I’m at a job where my boss is hard on me, don’t leave that job, for the next position I get I will have two more people the same way. Develop my patience, and kindness to those that are mean to me. Say no to my flesh even when I get upset. Be nice to those they may be mean to me, get pass that difficulty. Stay on the high road, and suffer that period of stress and develop a higher character.

Don’t get offended by every offense.. Pass the test.  Don’t fight against everything that you don’t like... Quit getting your feelings hurt because they offended you, let the irritation become a pearl.. If you are praying about an irritation and God is not doing anything, he is using that irritation to build you. ~Joel Osteen

1 Peter 4:12

my AHA MOMENT!

Wow it's 2011! I think the most exciting and important part about going into the New Year, is the fact of surviving the previous year and setting out to see a new one. For me going into the year of 2011, I have finally realize what I want to do with my life, and I'm so excited about it. As a child or even as a teenager, you are ask one of the most important question of your life. And that's "what you want to be when you grow up?" I have always been one of those people who really could not tell you exactly what I wanted to do, but I knew exactly what I love doing. For years I’ve been trying to figure out how I can bring what I love doing and creating,… to a job that would fulfill my talents and innovation.

For about 13 years, I knew what I love doing, but there wasn’t any job titles or job descriptions that gave energy to it. Not until about three days ago, God place me at the right time and place, to see and hear a moment that revealed to me a reality within a thought I had, of a job description, that gave a definition to all that I love doing. It is what I would consider a dream job! My AHA Moment... Oh My Goodness!.... I'm so excited about this year. 2011 I set out on working toward the goal of having the career of my dreams. To get as much education and knowledge my brain can obtain. To always look for a time and a place to learn more about life, and what I love doing. To embrace every moment that makes me laugh and smile, to clinch my Mekenzie for all of her accomplishments and hard work, and spend as much time as I can with her. To create a life that would bring her no strife, but only laughter. To look more into my family for love and support. To accept people for who they are, and learn to handle them accordingly. To be a great person to everyone I meet and every person in my life. To not be afraid of failing. To control my tongue. To only think thoughts in which is morally acceptable for my life and the people around me. To learn from my mistakes, and to most of all believe in myself. I made it to 2011 for a reason, and for that I have much to be grateful for, and look forward to!

HAPPY NEW YEAR READERS!

remember to always look for ways to be a better person, learn as much as you can, pick up a book and read it, and challenge yourself.