why even make plans?

 hate when my day doesn't go as I plan. They always say when you wanna hear God laugh, tell him your plans. I have to remember that when I plan for something in the future I have to remember to say to God if it is in your plans I will... So much has happen this year, but what 's new. There is always much happening every year in my life. Every time I get pass one hard point of living; there's another one right behind it. I miss the days when I was younger when there were more happy days than bad ones, as I get older there are more bad days than happy ones. Even though I try to make a smile out of every moment of the day, I always find myself reflecting on the direction my life has went rather than the direction I want it to go.

I'm moving in about three weeks, and I am not excited about it. I'm having to get use to the independent land lord, and so far its not working out for me. Versus me having a company as my landlord rather than an individual, is not something I'm beginning to like at all. I wonder what God thinks of the many questions I have flowing in my mind everyday to him. Especially when I'm face with hard and difficult decisions. At times I feel lost as if he forces me to make these decisions on my own, knowing the one I will make regardless if its the right one or not. I wish I had a guardian angel that would help me in all the decisions I make. An angel that will calm my heart when its stress or worried about something I have no control over.

If you haven't notice now, I'm in a slump today. I finally found myself not being the dominant person of the many disagreements I have with people. I only now have the strength to say OK, and accept things that i don't want to hear or can't help to control. Which is really hard for me. And yet I have to accept it, and trust that everything will work out. Even if I decide to give up on something and not react with my emotions, I rather not face the negative consequences. Tsk! Its kind of like, accepting the consequences of a decision I made, or doing something about it now and facing even more negative consequences later. Isn't that something horrible for someone to worry and stress about. Sometimes I wanna cry and hope God feels sorry for me and make everything better, nope! It doesn't work like that. I wish it did. Because I definitely feel like crying.